Monday, August 25, 2008

Old habits die hard

We have found that Josh tends to feel very superior to women and his sisters in general. We don't know if this is a cultural thing, a personal thing or a "big brother" thing. Couple that sense of superiority with his competitive spirit... and you've got the perfect storm. We have been working on this since they came home in February. Josh would often order Jameson around... if he dropped something, he ordered her to go get it. If he wanted a drink, he ordered her to go get it. It went on and on. From the first minute we noticed it, we said, "Oh no. That's not the way it works around here." Saying it and changing attitudes, norms and habits are another thing. Jameson is quick to do WHATEVER he requests. We have to tell her to make him do it himself. Today while we were playing a memory game for school, Josh tells her, "I am so going to win." She replies, "I am so going to get second."
I guess some things are difficult to change.

PS I helped her win.


Linda said...

You go mom! Hope things with you are good. I so enjoyed seeing the kids this weekend. It had been 3 weeks since I last saw them. Too long for me. Love to all. Linda

Julie said...

In our adoption training we learned that is DEFINITELY a cultural thing. Ethiopian women are viewed as people to cook, clean and generally be the maid. Their suggestion (the trainers) was for the dad to reinforce with a "You will not treat MY WIFE" that way" or in the case "My DAUGHTER". Course I happen to have the same problem with my 8 yr old bio son :-)

Laurel said...

We're right there with you. Jacob (12) not only tells his 2 bio. sisters what to do, but enjoys bossing his 2 new little brothers around, as well.

And ... for Julie's comment ... we had huge issues at first with how Jacob treated me. I was definitely just the cook and the mean lady with rules.

Not fun!

:) :) :)

Monica said...

I am so glad you helped her win!!!

We have the same problem in our household, only it is is older sister and younger sister ordering about middle child son...and he, too, complies without a batting an eye. Maybe we need to throw my girls and your son together for a week or so of fireworks!

(We can't blame our problem on cultural heritage, though...don't know how we wound up with two such self-willed Chinese daughters. Kind of a scary thought...runs opposite to any birth culture influence...what does that say about OUR family that such dynamics have developed?, good thing my husband isn't reading over my shoulder!!!)