Not for educational purposes...

I know I have been noticeably absent from the blog scene lately. It wasn't on purpose. It wasn't planned. Perhaps it wasn't even noticed...

Life has been kicking me around lately.

I can't really put my finger on it... except working way too much, going to way too many soccer games and practices, and trying to homeschool these hoodlums.

I promise to get better.

Since I have been such a slacker, I will leave you with a catchy anecdote that describes my life with a near 11 year old, who looks like an 8 year old and acts like a 5 year old...

On November the 5th, we were doing a special study of Guy Fawkes who attempted to blow up the Parliament building in England in 1605. The basis of the Gunpowder Plot was to rebel and achieve religious freedom from King James. The aim of the plot was to blow up Parliament while the Protestant nobility was inside. However, the Catholic nobility was also inside. Guy Fawkes was arrested hours before the plan was carried out.

A part of the famous poem we have memorized...

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder treason and plot,
I know of no reason
Why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

English children celebrate this day by shooting off fireworks and burning an effigy of Fawkes.

So, I began by asking the kids if they knew what an effigy was.

For you non-vocab types, it is:
1. a representation or image, esp. sculptured, as on a monument.
2. a crude representation of someone disliked, used for purposes of ridicule.
3. in effigy, in public view in the form of an effigy: a leader hanged in effigy by the mob.

Jameson immediately said,

"oh oh oh, I know. A B C D E effigy..."

Seriously.

I kid you not.

I wouldn't lie to you.

I cried.

Wordless Wednesday

Our day at the Audiologist

She looks across from the desk at me and says, "Do you have Medicaid?" I shake my head no and wonder why she would assume that. "Well, you'll have to have a chart made over there..." She points randomly across the waiting room. The girls and I walk into a small room with a few desks to have Jameson's chart made to see the Audiologist. "Do you have Medicaid?" Once again, I shake my head no.

I want to explain that my eyes are bloodshot because I worked all night and slept for an hour and a half this morning. I want to explain that while this is yesterday's pony tail, I am still a good person. I want to explain that I have 6 kids and if I look tired, it's because I am. I want to ask why everyone assumes I have Medicaid. But I'm too tired to be confrontational.

The woman stares at the insurance card, confused. Confused that someone with this many children could have insurance? Possibly. Confused as to the relationship between card holder and patient. "Are you foster mom?" Confused as to the name in the insurance card. Most likely. You see, Jameson and Josh have official documents which have about 4 or 5 different spellings and arrangements of their names. I try to explain that Jameson goes by her middle name. "Well, she'll have to go by Merkeb here..." I tell her it makes no difference, but begin to wonder why that's a reason to be upset.

We meet with the audiologist and I supply her with the paperwork from the educational testing Jameson has already had. She spends 2 minutes glancing at the test results and spends no time with my daughter before she says, "Well, if they didn't give her enough time to focus on the testing, this is probably just an attention deficit." I explain that the professional who tested her had spent 12 hours with Jameson and was very patient with her. So after 2 minutes, this woman clearly knows Jameson better.... better than me, better than the professional who spent hours testing all aspects of her learning abilities.

I explain that I didn't care what the problem was as long as we find a solution to it. She looks at the testing which showed Jameson on the low side of normal for a 2nd grader. She says, "She did very well on this testing. She must have had some schooling in her country. She's near normal." I explain that she's supposed to be in 5th grade... and being near normal for 2nd grade is great, but we have been working for a year and a half to get to the low level of second grade and have identified significant learning problems.

I want to scream that I'm not making this up. I'm not being overly concerned. I want to scream that I need answers. I need this to get better. I need her to stop sitting there judging me. Looking at me like I'm bringing my child in for more expensive testing when it's not warranted. It isn't because she's from Ethiopia. It isn't because she is a new English learner. It is something that needs to be addressed.

And as I walk out, she asks me if I have Medicaid.

Sheesh.

Text Message Tuesday

Welcome back to TMT!!!!

Enjoy.

Message: "My mom was just going on and on about a documentary she watched about Dubai and how wonderful it was there and how she wanted to live there. So I said, yes and I bet they have pots of gold at the end of all their rainbows. Then Jameson goes, ohohohohoh, is that little guy there too?"

Reply: "Too funny."

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Message: "Ben just came to me and told me he was hot. He has on one of those jogging suit things with the jacket that zips up the front. I told him to take it off. He said he couldn't because he didn't have a shirt on underneath."

Reply: "Haha. Those 2 are gonna be quite a pair aren't they? Wandering around looking for leprechauns, sweating in their jogging suits with no shirts on underneath..."

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Message: "I just saw a midget pirate juggling fire... weird."

Reply: "I like pirates"

Message: "One of them has blond dreds all the way to his feet. I wonder if Grace likes pirates."

Reply: "Well, we know how she feels about blond dreds..."

Message: "hahahahaha."

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Message: "Dinner with 5 kids and my mom... my mom just ordered mashed potatoes for dinner and told the waiter it was Jo's birthday so she could get free cake."

Reply: "That sounds AMAZING."

Message: "Have you seen the movie Aliens vs. Monsters?"

Reply: "um... yeah."

Message: "So the place we ate at had blue jello and no one liked it except Justine, so everyone gave theirs to her."

Reply: "Ok..."

Message: "And she made a huge bowl of it. And then she was standing up to show me. And dropped it on the waiters foot. There was blue jello everywhere. She was screaming... "BOB!" All this time, my mom was singing happy birthday to Jo..."

Reply: "Is it Jo's birthday?

Message: "Nope. But she got cake."

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Message: "Justine insisted on taking "Bob" in the car. She fell asleep. Now Bob is all over the seat."

Reply: "Poor Bob."

Message: "Poor Me."

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Message: "So we just got security called on us in the hotel for being too loud..."

Reply: "Only you..."

Message: "I know."

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Message: "All the kids went to a kids thing at UChicago and had to stand up and say their name and what their favorite movie was. Justine said, I'm Justine and I love Twilight."

Reply: "Nice. Has she even seen it?"

Message: "Nope."

Reply: "That's what makes it even funnier..."

Message: "The kids keep doing a great imitation of her doing it too... it's hysterical. Hands on her hips, all saucy..."

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Text Message Tuesday

Share your texts...
Laugh at mine...
Make my day.


Message: "Every time Jameson has to take a test, she says, 'I hate testes'. It makes me giggle inappropriately."

Reply: "Haha. I met a guy once whose name was Tim Testen. You just made me think of that."

Message: "Who would name their kid Testen? That's like naming your daughter Ovary."

Reply: "Well it was his last name. I don't think he really had a choice about that part. But the Tim part... there were a lot of intestine jokes..."

Message: "That's kinda weird."


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Message: "It's cold here. Jameson just told me she had "ear mugs" on. Maybe that's why she can't hear a thing I say."

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Message: "Larry and I want to make shirts with a mythical creature called a yeticorn which is half yeti and half unicorn impaling an innocent creature... like a manatee. What do you think? Money maker?"

Reply: "That would definitely be a hit."

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Message: "I hate 4th grade. Jaiden had a science test and actually wrote on her test, "I will never do extra credit." She definitely should have done the extra credit...."

Reply: "I don't know but I really hope this phase passes with 4th grade. It's like he's become a retard overnight."

Message: " I know. I hate the 4th grade."

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Message: "I'm freezing my nipples off at a soccer game with rain drizzling on me."

Reply: "Grace just texted me almost the exact same thing."

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Message: "I can't text very well with my mittens on."

Message: "I'm a popsicle."

Reply: "Don't let anyone lick you. That'd be gross."

Message: "Maybe I will. Maybe I won't."

Reply: "They're just children. Behave yourself."

Message: "Ok right. Licking in front of the children... Inappropriate. Check."

Reply: "I'm just trying to keep you from a jail sentence gina. not keep you from having fun. It's because I love you."

Message: "These gloves are really interfering with my texting abilities. I feel like a muppet."

Reply: "I like the word muppet."

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Message: "Would you be a fang banger?"

Reply: "Probably. Or at least a V addict. You?"

Message: "Yeah I think so too."

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Message: "I need you to come home and clean the litter box immediately. It's disgusting."

No reply... once again because she's in Chicago and rarely has time to respond...
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Message: "Girls and I are sipping Chai, eating rice krispie treats, people watching at the mudhouse and I'm reading a smutty sookie stackhouse novel. Ahhhh."

Reply: "writing a 4 page paper about smith's economic theory, then I have to try and nap before my 2-4 am radio show, and read 30 pages of Marx somewhere in there."

Reply: "Also it's freezing here. I need to get boots and gloves."

Reply: "but I'm not complaining seriously. it's all fantastic."

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Twinklebell

Josh is taking guitar lessons and was strumming out a little "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star..." when I heard him singing "Tinkerbell, Twinkerbell..."

I started to correct him because ... well... really.... he would want me. He's a pre-teen boy who fits in with his friends really well. And they would totally make fun of him.

I was surprised to find Jameson quick to correct him. I was impressed because usually she's the one to mutilate language. Then I heard her say, "No Josh. It's Tinker. Tinker. Little Bell."

I give up. Really.

playing with numbers

the number of hours I went without sleep from Friday am to Saturday...

the number of uninterrupted hours of sleep I got on Saturday when my sweet, sweet hubby took the kids to soccer! (And yes, those 6 hours were glorious and appreciated... thank you very much!)



the number of days I spent cleaning closets and rearranging furniture...

the number of trash bags we took out full of stuff we found we didn't actually need, hidden in bookshelves and closets...

the number of bookshelves we cleaned off and reorganized...



the number of missing puzzle pieces in the World map puzzle I just had to put together in the middle of our cleaning frenzy... you know just to make sure they were all still there ....

the number of lives I saved this weekend at work...

It's been a productive week...

My life map

In what will forever be referred to as "the colossal clean," I also found this life map in the top of a closet.

I suppose this was probably made during a time when I was a huge Oprah follower... It seems like something she would endorse.

I made this life map at a time when I wasn't sure which direction my life was going in. What did I want? What was important to me? What did I need to do to get there?

I had everything on this life map that I thought I wanted for my future.

The only thing I didn't have was a date. According to my own carbon dating process, I would say it was made approximately 15 years ago...

It all centered around family and work.

When I showed it to the kids, it was funny to see how many things were the same and how many things were different than I had expected.

Josh was looking and looking and reading my life map ... and I admitted, "Josh, you weren't on that road map anywhere... but I'm so glad I took a detour."

I don't think 12 years ago, I ever expected to have 6 children. I certainly didn't imagine I would have 5 kids ages 6-12 and one in college.

Most of the things on that life map, I have attained.

Several things I'm still working on.

And many, many more things are on my map that I never even imagined I would have. I guess it was more of a life compass... because we never can map out where our lives are truly going; we just need to know what direction we're headed in.

If I were to make a life map now, what would it say? What would I think important enough to place on my map?

having a happy family

being a success at work

great marriage

being debt free

OK those are for amateur life map makers...

How about...

Making a real difference in the world

Doing something spectacular

Changing the world

Being a mentor

Being an advocate

Encouraging someone else to change the world
Educating children who will change the world

I won't be making a new life map because I'm too busy making my life come true.

But if I were, it would be a beautiful masterpiece.

We love this song