Saturday, August 16, 2008

In our future...

We definitely have some counseling in our future. Here's a sample of what we have come up with without needing to spend a dime... I have had a lot of really great advice, comments and ideas about Josh's behavior. Thank God for this blog because it really has been a great tool to network and find solutions to issues. Thank you to those of you who gave me insight.
After losing a lot of sleep about it, I think I have found some perspective into Josh's personality. I think that a lot of the issue is that Josh is used to being the center of attention. At the orphanage, he was the mac daddy. He was the oldest boy who was in charge and a leader to all the others. He was recognized for this. When we left the orphanage, all of the kids were chanting his name. Josh wants to be the best at everything. He wants it to be all about him. And I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve that or that I fault him for that. What I am saying is that there is a positive way and a negative way to achieve this. What I want is for him to find a balance and to realize that it is not going to be all about him, all the time. It can't be and it shouldn't be. I think that we often times feed into his issue by our constantly "reeling" him in and attempting to "engage" him. In doing so, we make it all about him. Another aspect of the same issue is that if we make a competition out of anything (and I mean anything), Josh is all over it. He will NOT turn down an opportunity to beat someone at something... unfortunately this is usually Jack that he's attempting to beat. I am not saying that being competitive is a bad thing (Jeff and I are VERY competitive), but it can be a healthy thing and an appropriate thing. And so we are starting the slow and probably painful process of teaching what is an appropriate level of competitiveness and what is just plain mean. We are going to put limits on how much time he can spend in his room alone. We are also trying to show him who Jesus is and that his relationship with Him is what will ultimately make him feel good about himself, not being the center of attention or the best at everything. And so counseling is definitely in our future... most likely for all of us. Now I just have to find the time and money... same as always.

1 comment:

Linda said...

You guys are so together! I am so proud of all you have achieved. Let us know if we need or can do anything. Linda