Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What is it you dream of...

Dear son,
What is it you dream of that makes you wake up so mean? What causes that foul mood where your voice is not heard for 4 hours straight? What thoughts run through your head that make you choose to walk 100 feet behind me in WalMart? What is it about being happy that just seems out of reach on days like these? As you sit, solemn and straight faced, looking off into nowhere... what is it you think of? I know you're a million miles away... but where is that? Who are you remembering? What are you thinking? When will we know? When will you be able to share? Precious Lord, please bless Josh with some pleasant dreams because another morning like this one and I'm going to run away from home.

Love,
Mom
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4 comments:

Julia & Brad said...

Gina, I am SO SO sorry! I'm sending extra prayers your way.
Hugs,
Julia

SisterMom said...

Ahh, the silent treatment. My boy is more prone to standing in our path and just glaring at us. When we have to ask him to move he glares harder....and doesn't move. He never just goes into hiding, no, o no way, he follows me around so I know just how displeased he really is, there by ensuring I end up as displeased as him.

Friedlings said...

Gina-

So you get the silent treatment?! Sulking? Silence? Withdrawn? Removing himself from family time? Showing his Mr. Sunny side to other people but leaving the empty stare for you?

Ah... welcome to the club!!! : )

Only 4 hours?! You mean he breaks from the silence after 4 hours and not four days?! After the 4 hours is he pleasant?

I left my kid in a good mood to go to his back-to-school night. I came home and he was sitting sullen and grumpy in his bed though he doesn't admit to the bad mood.

I tried to tell him the fun and sweet things his teachers told me about him, he either just looked straight ahead or looked at me blankly. THAT'S MY FAVORITE!!! That's when he makes me feel like some dopey freshman trying in vain to chat up a popular, mean senior kid. I HATE WHEN HE DOES THAT TO ME! Frankly, he does *that* trick even when he's in a decent mood. It's like he doesn't know what to say... or he wants me to feel stupid like when you put your hand out for a high-five and it's left hanging out there unslapped.

I'm thinking, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! Do you *know* there are 6 other people in this house who think I'm funny and loveable with intersting things to say?"

I finally told him last night (after he did it to me AGAIN) that it's a creepy thing to do and he'd hate it if the kids at school did it to him. Or if *I* started doing it to him... on the infrequent occassions where he chats with me.

He, of course, wouldn't tell me what was bothering him. I play 20 questions with him and hope he'll give me a clue. I rattled off 3 possible reasons I could imagine he got suddenly withdrawn. He weakly shook his head to the first two... so I knew it wasn't that I went to school and met with his teachers. When I asked if he was uptight and nervous for his soccer game today, he just stared ahead and started fiddling with his hair. BINGO!!!! And THAT is how a breakthrough appears with him. Way subtle.

Anyway- I understand your angst. My kid (De-Sullen today) was in a mood this morning and I was worried I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue because well... I was jealous that his teachers all told me how happy and funny and talkative and helpful and charming he is at school. Justin reminded me that we should be THRILLED that he is so well adjusted and happy at school. He reminded me it's just a bit of an act at home to get a different kind of attention from us. Still - I was feeling weak, so I climbed back into bed and let my husband get the kids out the door today (with his blessing). I suspect it drove De-Sullen bonkers trying to figure out what I was doing. I'm usually up with the roosters. Normally I'd be trying to playfully cajole him into a good mood... or steel him up for his soccer game today if I noticed he was anxious. He'd just make me feel like a pest anyway, so I left him be.

He paced back and forth between his bedroom and the bathroom 20 times... I suspect looking for me. He decided to go through his backpack to assemble his stuff for the day... outside my room... he flicked on the hall light... then walked away leaving the light on to make sure I was annoyed by it. And, yes, I know he does all these things on purpose.... what I can't exactly get a handle on is WHY? He does not like to fight. He wasn't looking to engage me in a big argument. I guess he wanted attention?! Did he want me to scold him or hug him or simply be walking around trying to figure out his mood?

Anyway, it was fun to throw him off-kilter by holing up in bed which I NEVER do! But reading my own words, he probably had fun throwing ME off-kilter by making me feel like an annoying pest last night.

Again, you're not alone. Take comfort from all your kids who *do* know how to make you feel like you're the cat's meow. That's my plan.

ellerbee eight said...

Oh I so get it, but it's so senseless, so purposeless. Josh isn't accomplishing anything when he treats me badly. He doesn't get anything in return. He just gets me irritated. It's SO passive-aggressive. I get the blank stare all the time. I am finally to the point where I am giving him ownership of his own happiness and it's not going to be related to my own happiness. He's going to have to figure out some of this on his own.