Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Bus Rolling

Parenting kids is not easy. As every parent knows, it is probably the hardest job in the world. Parenting older children brought to you through international adoption is the hardest task EVER.

It is so important for parents to have a united front when parenting kids.

Parents: Do Not Throw Your Spouses Under the Bus!

Case in point:

I am often seen as the disciplinarian for our adopted kids. I am the teacher who is constantly correcting their work. I am the one who spends most of the time with them. Josh's birthday was Sunday. He has complained about his cell phone since he got it at his last birthday. We had a credit at Sprint, so we thought we would take a gander at an upgrade.

Not only did he not want the upgraded phone that would cost us less money, but he wanted the much more expensive phone. When we were told the credit wouldn't apply to the phone, and the actualy cost was like $275, I said forget it.

Flash foward a day:

Jeff finds a slide phone (just like ours mind you...) refurbished for a MUCH cheaper price. Mind you, I didn't have this nice of a phone until I was 35... and I paid for it myself.

I could hear Jeff apologizing to him after he gave him the phone. I could hear him making excuses and telling him we'd get him the nicer phone next year. I couldn't, however, hear the words "thank you" coming from my son's mouth.

I felt my pulse quicken and the hair on the back of my neck stiffen. Since when do we apologize when giving our kids $100 gifts? Since when does a 13 year old require or deserve something nicer than everyone else in the house?

I confronted Jeff, who said, "Well, he just looked so pissed over the phone..."

This seems to be an ongoing thing with my adopted kids.... everyone feels so sorry for them.

Except me.

I'm sorry for what they went through, but by God, they're not going through it now. They have a pretty awesome life now, and I am sick to death of everyone coddling them.

But what do we expect when we apologize before giving them a gift?

This is an ongoing issue and it going to be a sore spot for me for a long time. I am made to be the bad one time and time again.

"Mom said no Rated R movies."

"Mom said no to the $275 phone."

"Mom said.... blah blah blah."

Kids need a united front because it's confusing. It's unfair. It causes division.

These kids are like sharks in the water... they can smell blood and they know when the mom and the dad aren't on the same page. Jeff and I weren't even in the same book or at the same library over this one.


Sandee said...

I couldn't agree with you more!! and what is so bad for me on this...is I am a single mom...and I can't even be consistent with myself with the whining, pouting starts.

I say a whine is an automatic NO, but too often I give in later. ugh.

why is it so hard to live with our children's dissaproval?

Larsons said...

What part of NO do they not understand! When in doubt don't! They have developed the American way. I want I want !!!Want and Need are two different things. If they are pissed they can get over it.If they desire to be pushy walk away. Men are clueless a quoto from hallmark! Jeff and Josh need to be the hero's. and this poses a problem. You are showing maturity but you are drained. mom

waitingarms said...

Oh, I feel your pain! My dh who is one of five kids raised by a single dad, sometimes tries to make up for what he thinks he did not have as a child by going overboard with the kids. We both talk about teaching them gratitude and appreciation for what they have, we forgo birthday presents for the kids and instead ask friends and family to contribute to a cause that our family cares about, we budget $30 per child for Christmas (really the kids have more than enough toys and they are showered with more than they know what to do with by friends and family). Then what does dh turn around and do – secretly takes the kids to toys r us and buys more junk, I mean toys. And $30 turns to a $300 trip to a train hobby store for a train set for a five year old who until last Christmas, was always pretty excited with birthday and Christmas presents in the form of $5 train additions to his Thomas the Train collection. I am also the bad guy – insisting on no T.V during the weekdays (while daddy sneaks cartoons while I am at work) and no sweets – until I realize my son knows all the donut shops in my town and suddenly the enthusiasm for daddy/son Saturday outings becomes so clear! Hang in there – as adults the kids will look back and thank you for the values you are instilling.

Jenny H said...

I remember a certian little girl that used to do the same thing with you two, and she isn't adopted.

ellerbee eight said...

Perhaps... although I think it was a bit different... My point was not to complain about Josh's behavior, but to make a point that parents need to be together in their decision making and discipline because kids will know when they aren't. If one parent is always giving in, while the other parent is trying to make a point, it doesn't do anyone any good and just leads to confusion.