Tuesday, March 09, 2010

A difficult post

This post is hard to write.

I've put it off for quite some time. I've put off a lot of stuff for quite some time... decisions... decisions.

This is a decision I've struggled with for months. I've gone back and forth numerous times. You may read a post down the road that is totally contrary to this one, who knows?

But for now, the plan is for all the kids to public school next year.

I'm done. I have a permanent kink in my neck. I sport a mean mug most days. My frustration is through the roof. I feel like I am mothered out. I've got nothing left to give.

I am no longer a nice person.

In the end, it came down to a decision of quality versus quantity. I homeschooled from the beginning because I couldn't stand the thought of being away from them for an entire day... not to mention 5 days a week! It was never a decision that was about not liking the public schools or "protecting" them from the secular world. I believe that if you teach your kids at home what's right and wrong, they will carry that with them wherever they go. I just wanted them with me as much as possible because I realized how fast they would grow up!

So am I willing to just see them for a few hours in the afternoon and evenings and have fun with them versus being miserable with them at home all day? Well, finally, I think I am.

I'm ready to be able to go to the grocery store alone. To doctors appointments without having to bribe someone to watch them and throwing our entire schedule out the window. To get my hair cut if I want to. To have a clean house and dinner ready when everyone gets home.

I know. It's hard to believe. It's hard for me to believe. I was always such a homeschooling fanatic. I loved it. I loved the lesson planning. I loved the field trips. I loved it. I was the ultimate homeschooling cheerleader!

But I am tired. It's too much with 5 kids. I know some people do it just fine. It's just too much for me. 5 kids from ages 7 to 12 is kicking my butt. Seriously. Homeschooling M-F and working every weekend for the past 7 years is catching up with me.

I know that there are still going to be bad days getting them up and to school on time and remembering lunch money and homework at night, but I'm actually looking forward to it. I want them to be excited about it. I want them to have fun at school and enjoy learning.

I want to enjoy them again and to do that... I'm gonna need some time away from them.


Whitney said...

Totally understandable ... and seems to be a good decision based on what you've shared here. Good luck on this next chapter in all of your lives!

Julie said...

I think that if I ever tried to homeschool I would be writing that exact same post...but probably after about six months.

I love the idea of homeschool - the flexibility, the adaptability, the creativity.

But then I realize that if I am honest with myself about my shortcomings, and the special needs of a few of my children, I know that (at least for the time being) in order to keep my sanity, and keep a decent relationship with them, they need to be in school somewhere besides my living room.

Homework time is rough enough as it is on a lot of days.

elisa said...

I think you made a great decision. Not because I am for or against homeschooling, but because you have realized that the time you do have with them isn't as good as it could be. I totally get it! Funny thing is I JUST blogged about something very similar, when I decided to go back to work after Miles was born. It truly made me a better Mother and I admire you for that!

Gina said...

As a former homeschooling mom, I totally get it! I love homeschooling and my kids, but it's just too much when a person needs to work. My kids are enjoying private school and lord willing we are never going back.

Laurel said...

Today. This week. This month. I could seriously do that ... just put them in school. But, next month, after I'm all "caught up with life", I know that I would want to bring them home.

So, during this very difficult time, we will just keep plodding along, praying for the brighter days ahead.

I totally understand the "burned out" mode. Totally. Homeschooling since bringing our kids home from Ghana has been TOUGH ... even after 20 years of homeschooling, it has thrown me for a loop.

Keep up the good mothering ... whether your kids are at home or at school, you're a great mama.

mama of a dozen plus :)

♥~Gina~♥ said...

I am proud of you for all you have done for your children, and all you will continue to do for them. Change will not change that.

You've taken a step back and have realized what it's going to take for your unit to run more smoothly. You have given it a far better run than most people have the strength to do for a year, much less 7.

Pat yourself on the back for all you've accomplished. You can now look forward to the new adventures you'll have the energy and desire to embark upon because you have done this.

I have all the confidence in the world that this is going to be okay. ♥

Muse Mama said...

You know, I've always just wanted to do what was best for my kids. While that's homeschooling, we'll do that. When it's public school, we'll do that. Your reasons make sense. You do what you have to for your kids and your family.