Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Thank you...

Thank you to all the readers who listened to me gripe and complain about my children yesterday. Thank you for not writing a comment about how horrible I am. What a horrible woman I must be to be frustrated with two little children from Africa. They can't help it. Trust me, I have already chastized myself enough for all of us. After I wrote it, I considered deleting it; then I got busy. Imagine that.

So often, I get people who say, "you're so amazing." "You're a super mom." blah blah blah. And while my ego likes to hear these things, it's so not true. I lose my temper and patience as much, if not more. I have high expectations; probably too high. I don't want people to think that we are some weird family who never fights, who never has down days, who never worries about the future. I do. I worry all the time. I'm worrying right now.

I hope and pray that they will understand why we expect so much out of them. Today, Justine, who is probably the wisest child in the house, said, "Mom, I know you just want us to turn out to be edumacated..." She's right. There is a lot of pressure with homeschooling. Perhaps I try to do too much for fear of doing too little? Better to teach them more than they need to know than to miss something they do need to know.

Tonight, I was complaining about long division with my friends.
"How hard could it be?" I exasperatedly asked.
"In the middle of summer?" they responded, "Pretty hard."
So perhaps I need to simmer down and attempt to relax a little?

I write this blog for several reasons, one is to keep a record for myself and the kids, although they will probably want to avoid 6/16/09's post. I also write as an outlet for myself. As you can imagine, with all of these youngsters, I don't get a lot of free time for manicures, movies or "me" time. This has become that. I can pour myself into this computer and then leave it here. I can complain about dyslexia or laziness or adolescent funks here and then move on and forget about it. Unfortunately, you all get the brunt of it. But I want to be real. I want to be able to share the ups as well as the downs. Parenting 6 kids is no easy feat. Working. Homeschooling. Attempting to maintain a marriage. None of it is easy. But it's real and it's us. So there you go.

Thank you for praying for us. You will never know how much we appreciate that. We need it.



dkengelman said...

Let me be the first to say "you ARE amazing." Because you are a great mom and wife, NOT because you are perfect. Because of your honesty and extreme effort put into your family, and NOT because you have everything all figured out. I love reading your blog and love the honor of praying for you and your sweet family. Thanks for your authenticity. Katrina

Donna said...

Stumbled across your blog this morning and have read the last 6 posts or so.
I must say that your specialist does not agree with any adoptive parent I have spoken with! We adopted a 5 and 3 year old from Liberia 3 1/2 years ago and are still dealing with many of the same schooling issues you speak of. I can just imagine how that is exasperated by an even older child.
I will also agree that as a homeschooling mom of 14 years that the pressure to have your homeschooling kids meet some standard is very great. Thankfully God is giving me freedom in this area-or maybe I should say I am finally resting in His grace in this area.
Lastly I would just say that I am doing lots of research on early trauma and malnutruion and brain development. It is helping to understand where they are coming from-especially my 9 year old. Our new school year will prayerfully entail alot less expectations and alot more healing.
Sorry such a long comment from a stranger too.
Thanks for posting your heart. It helps if we can all be in this journey together.
Delight in Him-

Anne Basso said...

But don't you see? That is amazing! God willing, this Fall will bring our sixth baby. That's if you don't count my step-daughter (who's amazing, but doesn't live with us, so I don't have the job of parenting her on a daily basis) and our daughter who went home to heaven four years ago.

I work, I homeschool, and I try desperately not to lose my mind. You are amazing because you're doing it. Because you jumped in there and are sharing your love, however imperfectly, with your children who need you.

No, it's not easy. And to be perfectly honest with you, if there is some mom out there who does all I do and never gets frustrated, never loses her temper, never feels overwhelmed, well I don't want to hear about her!

I want to hear about women like me, who are doing it, and some days just getting through it. That encourages me.

Peace to you, all of you.