Tuesday, June 16, 2009

If I've said it once...

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

If I have said that once this week, I've said it a million times.

I had an adoption specialist person disagree with me recently on my view that adopting an older child has more challenges than adopting a baby. I've never adopted a baby, so obviously I don't know what that's like, but the process of trying to get older children caught up in school has got to top sleepless nights and diarrhea diapers. At least with infants, they learn the language and skills they need before school.

I am having my own sleepless nights imagining them trying to ever go to high school or college or hold down a job where you have to... oh, I don't know, read and write, tell time, make change. Seriously!

I am at my wit's end with trying to catch them up. If I have taught long division once in the last 6 months, I have taught it a million times. Josh totally gets it while I'm doing it with him, then when I'm grading his homework, all I can say is "Are you freaking kidding me?"

Jameson is still struggling with reading simple words at times. Today she looks at me quite seriously and says "mom, what's diddle?" I look at her assignment and it's BIBLE. There is no rhyme or reason as to whether they will get it. Some days they do, other days they look at me like they have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about.

There is so much pressure to try to get them caught up. We are doing school year round. I have become a total hard &*^, and I am grading them quite harshly. I can't tell if they have learning disabilities or just think I won't notice that the page is still only half done in handwriting you can't read.

GEEZ. Are you freaking kidding me?

On a serious note, Jameson is being tested for learning disabilities next week. As for Josh, he knows how to do it... so I think his might be more of a behavioral issue. That wouldn't be too far from reality with him.



Anne Basso said...

I haven't adopted at all, but I think adopting an older child would also be more challenging in that you're adjusting them to a whole new vision of what their family looks like, and probably dealing with some trauma.

One of my dearest friends is in the process of adopting her niece, born to a mother on heroin. She's had her since she was discharged from the hospital after birth. Certainly there have been challenges. From medical stuff when she was born, to ongoing physical therapy to deal with muscular issues related to the drug exposure. But she's not having to undo any psychological damage. In fact she's been able to help her build a healthy attachment and psyche right from the start.

You and your children are so lucky to have been brought together. I love seeing your pictures and all the bright smiling faces. Whatever the challenges, I know that there are rewards beyond measure, and prayers being said for you from places you never imagined and people whom you've never met. Like me.


Laurel said...

Absolutely ... the older the child the more difficult the overall transition. I read that a full attachment can take up to the amount of years that the child is old when they come home. Thus, bring home a 2 year old and it could take 2 years for full attachment. Bring home a 12 year old ... and you might work through their issues before they're 25.

All of your school tough stuff ... right there with you. I have homeschooled 10 bio. kids, for 18 years. However ... this year with my 3 kids from Ghana ... definitely the most difficult homeschooling year on record. It's TOUGH!

Hang in there. We need each other ... to walk through the tough stuff with.

mama of 13