Saturday, December 20, 2008

Tomorrow is a new day...

Where to start with this post? I am all too aware of how difficult older child adoption is. I know how hard it is to expect one thing and get another. But I also know that all of these kids are mine. The ones who arrived after 9 months of puking and the ones who arrived after 9 months of paperwork. They are ours. There are no guarantees with pregnancy. There are no guarantees with adoption. There are no guarantees in life. Just as I stated in my post about my son who we were told would be born with irreversible brain damage, there was not an option for us about what we would do. He is our son.

There is a situation with a family who adopted a DEAF child from Ethiopia. You can read a little about my experience with this child from a post I wrote after returning from Ethiopia. I capitalize the word deaf because they were told this child was deaf. They were told by many people, including me. Now somehow... they feel they weren't given all the information about this child.

I absolutely fell in love with this child while I was in ET. Energetic... Wild... Crazy... Hysterical... I'm sure that life with this child isn't easy. I could have told you that from the little time we spent with him. He locked himself in our car at the orphanage... he was determined to go home with us.

This child is now being given the opportunity to go to a boarding school for the deaf. He will come home once or twice a month and on holidays. Is this an opportunity? Trading one orphanage for another... While I know this couldn't have been an easy decision to make, and I certainly don't know what things were like in that family, I am begging you to reconsider. Reconsider keeping your son home with you. Use that money you would spend on a fancy boarding school to get a special tutor. Do whatever it takes to keep him in a family. Or consider disrupting the adoption. Give him up and allow a family to take him who might be able to handle him. It's not a matter of what it looks like to everyone else. It's not a matter of obligation. It's a matter of making things right for this child.

And to everyone else, please continue to pray for this child. Pray for this family. This decision couldn't have been easy. The dreams and expectations for this child, this adoption, have been squelched. Everything they thought would be is not. Families are continuously evolving. There is no right or wrong. There is no exact science on what to do. There is not a way to plan for the way things will be. We can only evolve and be flexible and continue to grow together. Tomorrow will be a new day.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
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10 comments:

Rebecca said...

Well said Gina Ellerbee. We, too, knew that this boy was full of life and mischief...I remember him climbing Dave's leg, hugging him and kissing his face. Dave asked if we could take him home right then and there. Granted, who knows how things would have worked out with us, but I like to think that at least he'd have a chance to be part of a family. A real family. Not just a wanna-be- perfect family. I'm really not trying to cast stones here. It's just that I feel, with every fiber of my being, that this child is being abandoned. Again.

ellerbee eight said...

I know, me too...

Mendy Twigg said...

Thank you for writing what I have been thinking ever since I read their blog the other day. With everything I have learned about attachment disorder lately, there is no way this can be helpful for him.
By the way, Please don't tag me for Christmas. My brain can't handle anymore. Do you know how long it took me to figure out which one was the 6th folder and the 6th picture? It is probably my elderly brain. I am turning 40 tomorrow. NO! NO! NO! Do you think if I stay in bed all day, it won't happen????????? Oh yeah, you said tomorrow is a new day.lol

Denise said...

I thought I was the only one who was having a hard time with this. That was Yordi's best friend... :( Makes me sad.

Jenny H said...

This makes me sad, do you think it as to do with the new baby on the way? I hope God takes care of Miki were ever he is. I know I will be praying for the little guy!

SisterMom said...

guess we won't be seeing them at the reunion...

Kristine said...

Ugh...I felt this way too. We are just sick to our stomachs about it. How sad.

mary grace said...

Any update to share?

Susan said...

Having experienced friends become enemies over a most excruciating and difficult decision.. I am sad that all of these people are willing to make their "judgement" public. How does that help Loden?? It loads the situation with stress and guilt even more. I am hoping that professionals can help him, where his family is unable to and is smart enough to seek help.
Susan Butler

ellerbee eight said...

I agree that they are smart enough to seek help, but sadly they could seek help and keep him in a home with a family.There are plenty of other options other than seeing him every other week and on holidays and letting someone else raise their child. I'm really trying not to judge, however I know that people offered resources and assistance with people and groups who had been through the same thing, and they were blown off. So perhaps we're all being a bit judgemental?