I've been pondering. Pondering what just doesn't feel right. Pondering what to do about it.
Life has been happening so fast around Ellerbeeville. It's hard to put my finger on when things changed for me. I think it was probably around the time of family weekend at the University of Chicago. It was great to see her over that weekend, but somehow driving away this time was much harder than in September. The excitement was gone. Reality set in.
I not only returned home with a lot less cash in my pockets...
But I also returned with an ache.
An ache that won't go away.
I look at Jordan's pictures on facebook and imagine her in the reading room at Harris Hall. I look at my link to her checking account and imagine her in all the places she's spending money all over greater Illinois. I see her everywhere I go. I found a pair of her socks in the laundry somehow after all this time and used them to wipe my tears with.
I'm trying. I'm trying to enjoy life with the remaining. I really am.
I'm trying to keep busy... probably trying too hard to keep busy. I'm trying to make plans for the Thanksgiving dinner she will be absent for.
But I just don't feel like doing it. I don't feel like blogging. I don't feel like reading. I don't feel.
I have an ache that just won't go away.
And I don't know what to do about it.