Have you ever?

I know, not a first for me, I will be plagarizing someone else's blog today. This was just too good! You know what a list maker I am! The things I've done are in bold.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke - I'd rather forget this
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous - David Hasselhoff (does this count?)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Surprinsingly more things in bold than I thought. Perhaps I'm not as boring as I once thought. Now I just need to join a band and play under a meteor shower in Hawaii. I'll work on that!

My Non-Thanksgiving-eating son...

As you may have guessed, Thanksgiving is one of our favorite holidays. Jeff and I refused to eat breakfast on Thursday... so that we'd be able to enjoy the food at lunch all the more. Even though we're wearing our best stretchy pants and obsessing over food, Thanksgiving is so much more than food for us. We watch movies, football, and take the occasional catnap. We just spend time together. Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays for us because the expectations are pretty low. You don't have to entertain anyone. We all just hang out...and eat. And be grateful.

Josh woke up on Thanksgiving determined to not like it. He was sure he wasn't going to like the food. He wasn't even going to try it. We tried so hard to make all of the traditional Thanksgiving dishes because we wanted them to "really" experience Thanksgiving. This was their first Thanksgiving. As with all of their firsts this year, we wanted to make sure they experienced it in real American style - overindulged!

And Josh wouldn't try it.
When asked what was his favorite dish ... he replied, "nothing."

We had a good Thanksgiving anyway. It was one of the best in recent years. Jordan tortured Josh by making him carry and take care of Justine's baby "Veronica." Everytime he set her down, Jordan would say, "Josh, Veronica's crying. You'd better pick her up." And he would do it. It actually helped to break his icy mood. It helped to make him laugh. It helped to make all of us laugh and forget his being "difficult." It helped me forgive him for not liking my favorite holiday.

I had the time to remember back to last Thanksgiving when I was anticipating our upcoming court date. I would have done anything for them to be here. It wouldn't have mattered if he liked the food or not. It wouldn't have mattered that he came home and ate a bowl of cereal for Thanksgiving dinner. It just wouldn't have mattered.

And so on this Thanksgiving, I was able to just be grateful that we were all together. I thank God for my husband, my kids, my family, my house, my job, good health, and my non-Thanksgiving-eating son from Ethiopia who is such a pain, but who is also so absolutely wonderful and here at last.

P.S. Jameson ate her weight in Thanksgiving Day food ... and pretty much thinks he's crazy for not liking it. She wants Thanksgiving every day.

As we prepare for our feast...

Jeff and I are searching for our "stretchy" pants....

A bit of Thanksgiving history

For Thanksgiving...

Poor Justine will be having an appetizer of Albuterol, with a side of Pulmicort, an entree of Zithromax and lots of liquids to drink.

She has been sick for 4 weeks now and just can't seem to kick this terrible cough. Last night, she spiked a fever and said her chest hurt. So me being the responsible mother and nurse that I am finally took her to the doctor. She has left lower lobe pneumonia, right lower and middle lobe pneumonia. She was wheezing and had crackles in both bases of her lungs. Her oxygen saturations were low in the office and she looks like crap!

We are all loving on her and babying her even more than we usually do.
I hope she feels better by tomorrow, she was really looking forward to some pumpkin pie!

Just to make you laugh

Chapter 5

This chapter in Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child is about resiliency and reactive coping behaviors.

The chapter starts out talking about how the life of an adopted child changes so dramatically. In one day... they are suddenly immersed in an almost dream-like life. And their little lives are never the same again. Wow. My friend Julia wrote about the same subject last week. It really helps to think about it in their perspective. You can read her post here. It's awesome.

People react to stress in two different ways. This book describes this as revving up and shutting down. The revving up stage is the fight or flight where one prepares for battle. The other response is shutting down. This is "playing dead" or appearing to be asleep. Internationally adopted kids can go between both behaviors. The purpose of these behaviors is their own protection and an attempt to gain balance in their physiological and emotional states.

This book describes 5 reactive coping pattern. It's so funny because I can see the kids in all of these roles at one time or another.
The Warm Rock - Quiet, withdrawn, sleeping
The Stunned Rag Doll - Spacy, frozen, limp
The Dizzy Performer - Active: performing and charming, overly friendly to adults
The Royal Boss - Controlling and demanding; may throw tantrums
The Unwilling Guest - Rejecting and sad; waiting, searching, or calling; or hyper-alert

This chapter really helped me to identify which of these behaviors my kids display and to try to figure out what's behind those behaviors. I can remember when we first got home, and Jameson was SO friendly. She was all over everyone all the time. She had no qualms about going with anyone. Everyone kept saying, "Oh, she's doing so well." And she was, and yet... I kept thinking, "that's just not right" It bothered me that she appeared to be attached to me, until I saw that she was JUST as attached to everyone else who crossed her path. I think this is somewhat better, but perhaps there will always be a bit of dizzy performing in her. At least now, she pretends to be shy and hide behind me before she performs for the stranger. Josh defintely takes on more of the more quiet behaviors.

What the behaviors mean:
Warm Rock - Shuts down to manage overstimulation, feels rejected or inadequate.
Stunned Rag Doll - Shuts down to think about the past and be disconnected from the future
Dizzy Performer - Active and revved up, overstimulated, in denial about major life changes
Royal Boss - Controlling, revving, helpless, frightened and out of control
Unwilling Guest - Rejecting, alternately revving and shutting down with grief, loss, sadness, and anger, waiting to be "found," or searching for lost caregiver

"Children with complex backgrounds tend to revert to their old coping behaviors and survival skills."
They are unable to generalize their connection and resilency behaviors from one day to the next. You may have progress on one day and then be right back where you started the next day. I think this is where our frustration comes in. We will finally see progress and then attempt to relax a little. Then the old behaviors are right back again. This book does a good job at telling what to do with your new baby, such as feeding from a bottle. But, as usual, strategies for older children are lacking. I am obviously not going to feed my 9 and 11 year old a bottle or hand feed them like a baby. But they are right on as far as figuring out what's behind the behavior. I know that at times when Josh acts like the warm rock, I tend to pull away from him thinking that he probably needs his space. In looking at it, if he is feeling rejected and then I pull away, it's probably adding to his problem. Perhaps when Josh is a stunned rag doll and stuck in the past, I need to help him to think about his future. I need to help him to see his future... to give him hope. Anyway, we'll give it a shot. If not, I guess I can look for some baby bottles. I'm sure he'd really think I was crazy if I tried to rock him and feed him a bottle wouldn't he?

Happy Thanksgiving

Your Pilgrim Name Is...

Prudence Fletcher

What's Your Pilgrim Name?