We had a great day today... this is a sure fire sign that a melt down is coming. Our 3 month post placement visit was today. The kids were cute and engaging. The visit went well. I spent 2 hours braiding Jameson's hair and "beading" her. I really thought this blog post was going to have a different tone. I don't know if she just didn't like her hair. She did initially. I don't know if it reminded her of Ethiopia. I don't know if the wind was blowing from the northwest or the magentic pull of the earth is off, but after we finished her hair, she was crying for her mom who died 4 years ago and wanted to "go back to Ethiopia." And now she won't speak to me. God give me strength to hold on to this emotional roller coaster. I think I'm going to barf. And I want off.
7 comments:
I love you. I wish I had a magic word to let you know how much I know this hurts.
Can we call this collic? Just a rough spot with the new bee-bee? I used to rub whiskey on their gums...no wait...I rubbed whiskey on my gums. It really helped me. Probably not a time for jokes, but dammit don't be sad. I have never known you to give up....
Praying for you and your sweet daughter, knowing that God's plan hasn't changed when our emotions do. Also, know that living with a preadolescent girl, born and raised in the same place, without all the loss, is STILL an emotional ride at times :)
KE
I'm not giving up. I'm just absolutely exhausted from not knowing what I'm going to get from minute to minute. My feelings towards her haven't changed... it's just that she can't make up her mind about me. It would be so much easier if I just knew what to expect. I expect that when she gets older and we remember all these hard times, we are going to be absolutely amazed at how far we've come. It's just very difficult when you're in the middle of it. I know that God meant for us to adopt. We've known that for a long time. I know that whatever struggles we are having, we can overcome with God's help and a lot of prayer.
Hang in there. If anyon ecan do this you can. You are one if not the strongest person I know. Just keep your head up and your knees down. God will get you all through the rough times. Love you big as the sky.
Know that I am praying for you. Your blog is one of my favorites because we'll be bringing home a 9 and 7 year old and so I feel like I can learn a lot from you guys. Thank you for being so transparent and posting about the hard times as well as the good! Praying tomorrow is a better day.
She is fighting you just like any other little girl who has lost all and isn't sure this is a permanent thing. Will you still want and love her no matter what? God will give you strength. Hang tough for her, she is worth it.
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