How do you engage?

I'm still struggling with how to engage this child.

I know the symptoms come from her past. I know life in an orphanage is not pretty. I know in my heart that she has never been put first. I know in my heart it takes unconditional love, patience, and time to reverse her behavior.

But it's so hard.

It's so hard to raise a child always who runs for the door to be first in everything, leaving her siblings behind to carry her bag, pick up all the stuff she forgot, basically take second seat to her... ALWAYS.

It's so hard to raise a child who only thinks of others while "eyeing" you to make sure you're watching her share or be kind to someone else... just to watch the behavior disappear the minute she thinks you've looked away.

This has been the battle of my life... to engage her. To make her want to be a part of this family when it's not fun. When there aren't rewards involved. When we aren't watching.

I look at Josh put his arm around Justine as she crosses the street. I watch him share and be patient with his younger siblings... probably more patient than I would be at times. I watch him day in and day out think of others, put others first and do things for us without being asked to.

And I realize it's not necessarily an adoption issue or a orphan issue, it's a Jameson issue.

And I continue to wait for her to decide she's a part of this family... and in the mean time, I give gentle reminders as to what that actually means.