Friday, June 20, 2008
Happy Summer Solstice
Well today is the official first day of summer. The longest day of the year. I feel like this has been the longest year of my life. We have accomplished so much! Several months ago, I kept thinking that if I could just hold on until summer, everything would be better. Well my friends, it's summer and everything is better. The kids are doing great. We are doing great. Things are starting to come together. We had a wonderful first day of summer, which I will post about with pictures tomorrow. HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Did I ever tell you...
Did I ever tell you how we became the Ellerbee Eight?
How God chose these children for us?
I have wanted to adopt for many, many years. I don't know if it's because I myself am adopted, or just that I always wanted a big family. My mom once told me that my favorite nursery rhyme as a child was the "old woman in the shoe with so many children, she didn't know what to do"... well that kind of sums it up, doesn't it? My desire to adopt came and went for many years. I spent many hours on the internet, scouring agencies, countries; soaking up as much information as I possibly could. I printed off and filled out papers for local foster to adopt at least a dozen times. I agonized over waiting children. I had chosen two older children from Russia - Ivan and Eugenia many years ago. God knew it wasn't the right time for us. The finances weren't there. Our children were too young. It just wasn't the right time for us. Jeff wasn't on board with the idea. But I never gave up hope.
The last few years we kept saying that we would look into it. Jeff was at least open to the idea. I heard through the grapevine that an acquaintance from church was adopting. Julie was someone who I knew and would have said hi to if I saw her at church, but we didn't really have a relationship. She brought her baby home in June of 2007. I picked up a local parent magazine in July of last year and read an article about several families who had adopted recently. Julie and her husband were one of those families. The article had some information about what local agency they used. Once I read that, I felt like I had a starting point. I knew they hadn't gotten ripped off. They had their baby. I saw her picture. That same day I looked up the agency and called about their next informational meeting. Well it just so happened that it was the next day! Talk about God's intervention.
We went to the informational meeting the next day with the intent of getting information only. We still didn't have financing. We were just in a seeking mode. Information only. Oh, yeah... and we were planning on getting a baby boy. One. One baby boy.
Once the meeting started and basic information was given out, Crystal, who works for the agency and actually helped facilitate our adoption, began to tell us about her recent trip to Ethiopia. She began to tell us about the orphanage and specifically about two kids who were 8 and 10. They had been there longer than the others. They were sweet and wonderful. She told us of a family who recently went to Ethiopia and absolutely fell in love with these children. They were heartbroken to leave these children there.
Jeff and I started writing notes to each other. We hadn't even considered two children, much less two children basically the same age as our kids. I was there for a baby boy. It was as if God actually tapped us on the shoulder at the exact same time. We had goose bumps. We weren't even listening to what she said for the rest of the night. We wrote notes. We looked at each other like we were crazy. At the end of the night, we told Crystal we wanted more information about those two specific children. We also told her that we knew Julie and her family, and that was how we had heard of their agency. Crystal gasped and said "Those are the people who fell in love with those kids and wanted to bring them home."
Wow. What now? We talked and talked and talked, but honestly it was like God had already laid the answer on our hearts. We knew we were adopting those two kids... we just didn't know how. The next day, I called Julie and asked if we could get together to get more information about those kids and their entire adoption process. She immediately started crying and said "We have been praying since we got home for those kids to be adopted." I'm not quite sure why, but we were all amazed at the sense of humor God showed us by not only answering her prayer, but by answering her prayer with a family who went to their church and lived 5 minutes away. It still makes me giggle to think about God's hand in answering prayer; not only answering it, but slam dunking it. I imagined Him laughing and saying, "You silly child, did you ever doubt what I could do?"
And so we found financing and began our paperwork pregnancy. We started officially in August. The adoption was finalized December 26th, and we picked up the kids February 4th. When I was going through the rough patches, I found it very helpful to share this story as a reminder that THESE were the kids for me. It was predestined by God as much as if they shared our DNA. There was never another option. And now that things are better, I still like to share this story as a perfect example of what our God can do. He can bring families together from across the world.
Julie and her family have become invaluable to us. Our families have become one. I not only gained 2 children, but 5 more children in another house and the best friends we have ever had. What a gift God gave us when he bound two families together from so far away.
How God chose these children for us?
I have wanted to adopt for many, many years. I don't know if it's because I myself am adopted, or just that I always wanted a big family. My mom once told me that my favorite nursery rhyme as a child was the "old woman in the shoe with so many children, she didn't know what to do"... well that kind of sums it up, doesn't it? My desire to adopt came and went for many years. I spent many hours on the internet, scouring agencies, countries; soaking up as much information as I possibly could. I printed off and filled out papers for local foster to adopt at least a dozen times. I agonized over waiting children. I had chosen two older children from Russia - Ivan and Eugenia many years ago. God knew it wasn't the right time for us. The finances weren't there. Our children were too young. It just wasn't the right time for us. Jeff wasn't on board with the idea. But I never gave up hope.
The last few years we kept saying that we would look into it. Jeff was at least open to the idea. I heard through the grapevine that an acquaintance from church was adopting. Julie was someone who I knew and would have said hi to if I saw her at church, but we didn't really have a relationship. She brought her baby home in June of 2007. I picked up a local parent magazine in July of last year and read an article about several families who had adopted recently. Julie and her husband were one of those families. The article had some information about what local agency they used. Once I read that, I felt like I had a starting point. I knew they hadn't gotten ripped off. They had their baby. I saw her picture. That same day I looked up the agency and called about their next informational meeting. Well it just so happened that it was the next day! Talk about God's intervention.
We went to the informational meeting the next day with the intent of getting information only. We still didn't have financing. We were just in a seeking mode. Information only. Oh, yeah... and we were planning on getting a baby boy. One. One baby boy.
Once the meeting started and basic information was given out, Crystal, who works for the agency and actually helped facilitate our adoption, began to tell us about her recent trip to Ethiopia. She began to tell us about the orphanage and specifically about two kids who were 8 and 10. They had been there longer than the others. They were sweet and wonderful. She told us of a family who recently went to Ethiopia and absolutely fell in love with these children. They were heartbroken to leave these children there.
Jeff and I started writing notes to each other. We hadn't even considered two children, much less two children basically the same age as our kids. I was there for a baby boy. It was as if God actually tapped us on the shoulder at the exact same time. We had goose bumps. We weren't even listening to what she said for the rest of the night. We wrote notes. We looked at each other like we were crazy. At the end of the night, we told Crystal we wanted more information about those two specific children. We also told her that we knew Julie and her family, and that was how we had heard of their agency. Crystal gasped and said "Those are the people who fell in love with those kids and wanted to bring them home."
Wow. What now? We talked and talked and talked, but honestly it was like God had already laid the answer on our hearts. We knew we were adopting those two kids... we just didn't know how. The next day, I called Julie and asked if we could get together to get more information about those kids and their entire adoption process. She immediately started crying and said "We have been praying since we got home for those kids to be adopted." I'm not quite sure why, but we were all amazed at the sense of humor God showed us by not only answering her prayer, but by answering her prayer with a family who went to their church and lived 5 minutes away. It still makes me giggle to think about God's hand in answering prayer; not only answering it, but slam dunking it. I imagined Him laughing and saying, "You silly child, did you ever doubt what I could do?"
And so we found financing and began our paperwork pregnancy. We started officially in August. The adoption was finalized December 26th, and we picked up the kids February 4th. When I was going through the rough patches, I found it very helpful to share this story as a reminder that THESE were the kids for me. It was predestined by God as much as if they shared our DNA. There was never another option. And now that things are better, I still like to share this story as a perfect example of what our God can do. He can bring families together from across the world.
Julie and her family have become invaluable to us. Our families have become one. I not only gained 2 children, but 5 more children in another house and the best friends we have ever had. What a gift God gave us when he bound two families together from so far away.
Guess who's coming to our house?
Yep, the tooth fairy!
Jameson lost her "first" tooth since coming to America. It's been loose for the entire 4 months she's been here, but she finally got the courage to give it a little tug... and out it came. We have been trying to explain "who" the tooth fairy is.
Yes, I know. It seems cruel to lie to your children about fantasy things, but it got started long ago, and who am I to break the family tradition? The older kids don't seem to be mortally wounded by finding out who the real tooth fairy is. And so now I scramble to find some change to put under her pillow...
Hey Mendy....
Cabana Blogging
This is how I blog so much! Thank you God for laptops, wireless internet, and my shaded cabana! Having a little "me" time while the kids swim; spending time with our eldest. Yes, both of us have an umbilical cord connecting us to our laptops.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Quote for the day...
Jordan, "There's a fine line between helping people and being a white supremacist."
***Disclaimer - after saying it, she realized the line isn't really that fine, but it certainly does seem like a lot of people help people because they BELIEVE they are so much better than those they are helping.
***Disclaimer - after saying it, she realized the line isn't really that fine, but it certainly does seem like a lot of people help people because they BELIEVE they are so much better than those they are helping.
Overheard at baseball game...
Little girl to Jameson, "Were you happy when you moved here?"
Jameson, "Uh, I guess so. Yes."
Little girl, "Do you miss your mom and dad?"
Jameson, "No." Pointing to us, "They're right there."
Little girl, "Oh, cool."
Jameson, "Uh, I guess so. Yes."
Little girl, "Do you miss your mom and dad?"
Jameson, "No." Pointing to us, "They're right there."
Little girl, "Oh, cool."
Xenophobia
Xenophobia - noun.
Definition: an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange.
This is a difficult post to write.
As you know, Josh has not wanted to participate in vacation bible school this week, but he has! He has sang the songs, done the crafts, listened intently to the stories. He has done everything I have asked... and more. We have pulled back from Sunday School and kids things the last few months because of how uncomfortable the kids were. Jameson came home several weeks in a row in tears over the subject matter - ie: AIDS, orphans in Africa and hunger... (Duh). I thought VBS would be good because of how easy they make the salvation plan, and I thought it would be a good short term goal for them to attend. I thought this would be a safe place for them.
Today during the large assembly with ALL of the kids in our church, one of the children's directors was explaining that we are collecting soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and deodorant for the international students at MSU. We are doing this because, according to her, some people from foreign countries don't have good hygiene and don't know how to keep themselves clean. I felt Josh's back stiffen as soon as she said it. And it wasn't just once. It was said several times. And it was all about people from foreign countries. I think the final straw was, "Would you want to sit next to someone who didn't know how to brush their teeth?"
I was completely overwhelmed by the superiority of these statements. We think we're so much better than people of other countries because we use deodorant? In fact, most people from foreign countries find our perfumed up, cologned up, sanitized, soapy smells to be disgusting. Once I heard the reference to brushing your teeth, I started thinking about Josh's teeth when he gives you that huge toothy grin. He has the cleanest, best, whitest teeth of anyone I know. The first time we took them to the doctor, the doctor said, "Wow, he needs to teach the other kids how to brush."
When it was time to move to the next area, when we filed into the pews, the pew became full, so Josh went to the next pew, and no one would sit next to him. Then the next pew filled completely with children. So Josh sat completely by himself in the pew. I was behind all of the kids, or I would have done a better job at directing them. I sat next to him as did the older helper for the class, but none of his peers would sit next to him. I could feel my blood start to boil as I sat there. Self-righteous. Fake. Ignorant.
During my break, I went to the head children's director and as soon as I uttered the words, "I need to talk to you," I was suddenly unable to speak. I was so overwhelmed with tears that I'm sure she couldn't even understand what I was saying. It makes me so angry that I cry when I'm mad... and then I get even madder and it makes me cry even harder. So I spent most of the morning as a blubbering idiot.
Once I was finally able to make more than just a groaning noise, I explained that it's not OK to overgeneralize like that. We are trying to get Josh involved in church and to make good Christian friends, and when things like that are said, it just makes everything worse. I explained that EVERYONE must be completely aware of what they say. The woman who said it didn't say it out of spite or even prejudice. She said it out of ignorance. She said, "Well, I didn't even think about him being from a foreign country. He's been here like 6 months." I had to explain that he still thinks of himself as an Ethiopian. His family is there. His friends are there. His history is there. His pride is there. There is never going to be a time when he won't know and feel that he is Ethiopian. I want him to feel pride about his country. I want him to remember. I want him to feel that ethnic pride. It's important to him.
I cannot express how important it is to educate your children with an appropriate worldview. I cannot express how important it is to REALLY live like Jesus would want us to. Our children are going in and out of VBS making crafts and having fun with their friends, but do they really get it? Do they stop and try to befriend the new kid? Would they "have dinner with the taxpayer?" Do they really do what Jesus would do?
As soon as we left the church, I drove to Julie's for an ear and a shoulder and a lot more tears. (Julie's baby was in the same orphanage with ours; she met our kids before we did!) Julie gets it. She understands. Although her baby is small and she's not had to deal with much of this, she still gets it. She understands. She's been there. She's often able to make me laugh and talk me off of the bell tower. What came of this discussion was the fact that so many people don't get it. So many people don't understand, misunderstand or just don't think before they speak. It brought up a lot of questions.
The question becomes: Do we look for another church? Somewhere downtown or midtown where WE would be the minority? Is it fair to the kids to be the only dark skinned kids in the church? (Or close to it... 2 of maybe 6?) Or do we make this our mission? Is it our mission to educate everyone in this white, middle class, Midwest city what it's like to be adopted from a foreign country? Is it our mission to help these kids learn how to really be like Jesus? It is our mission to help make people understand? Is that an impossible mission?
One good thing that came out of this... and perhaps that was what God's plan was all along... I knew in that moment that I was their mother. Not in an intellectual way.... I have obviously known that for quite some time. But in my heart, I knew I would do anything to protect them. When they hurt, I hurt. I think I needed to be reminded of that, and boy was I ever reminded. I felt like someone had tore out my heart as I watched my boy sit there by himself. I felt my heart pound, and I felt the mama bear come out in me. Watch out when mama bear comes out!
Definition: an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange.
This is a difficult post to write.
As you know, Josh has not wanted to participate in vacation bible school this week, but he has! He has sang the songs, done the crafts, listened intently to the stories. He has done everything I have asked... and more. We have pulled back from Sunday School and kids things the last few months because of how uncomfortable the kids were. Jameson came home several weeks in a row in tears over the subject matter - ie: AIDS, orphans in Africa and hunger... (Duh). I thought VBS would be good because of how easy they make the salvation plan, and I thought it would be a good short term goal for them to attend. I thought this would be a safe place for them.
Today during the large assembly with ALL of the kids in our church, one of the children's directors was explaining that we are collecting soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and deodorant for the international students at MSU. We are doing this because, according to her, some people from foreign countries don't have good hygiene and don't know how to keep themselves clean. I felt Josh's back stiffen as soon as she said it. And it wasn't just once. It was said several times. And it was all about people from foreign countries. I think the final straw was, "Would you want to sit next to someone who didn't know how to brush their teeth?"
I was completely overwhelmed by the superiority of these statements. We think we're so much better than people of other countries because we use deodorant? In fact, most people from foreign countries find our perfumed up, cologned up, sanitized, soapy smells to be disgusting. Once I heard the reference to brushing your teeth, I started thinking about Josh's teeth when he gives you that huge toothy grin. He has the cleanest, best, whitest teeth of anyone I know. The first time we took them to the doctor, the doctor said, "Wow, he needs to teach the other kids how to brush."
When it was time to move to the next area, when we filed into the pews, the pew became full, so Josh went to the next pew, and no one would sit next to him. Then the next pew filled completely with children. So Josh sat completely by himself in the pew. I was behind all of the kids, or I would have done a better job at directing them. I sat next to him as did the older helper for the class, but none of his peers would sit next to him. I could feel my blood start to boil as I sat there. Self-righteous. Fake. Ignorant.
During my break, I went to the head children's director and as soon as I uttered the words, "I need to talk to you," I was suddenly unable to speak. I was so overwhelmed with tears that I'm sure she couldn't even understand what I was saying. It makes me so angry that I cry when I'm mad... and then I get even madder and it makes me cry even harder. So I spent most of the morning as a blubbering idiot.
Once I was finally able to make more than just a groaning noise, I explained that it's not OK to overgeneralize like that. We are trying to get Josh involved in church and to make good Christian friends, and when things like that are said, it just makes everything worse. I explained that EVERYONE must be completely aware of what they say. The woman who said it didn't say it out of spite or even prejudice. She said it out of ignorance. She said, "Well, I didn't even think about him being from a foreign country. He's been here like 6 months." I had to explain that he still thinks of himself as an Ethiopian. His family is there. His friends are there. His history is there. His pride is there. There is never going to be a time when he won't know and feel that he is Ethiopian. I want him to feel pride about his country. I want him to remember. I want him to feel that ethnic pride. It's important to him.
I cannot express how important it is to educate your children with an appropriate worldview. I cannot express how important it is to REALLY live like Jesus would want us to. Our children are going in and out of VBS making crafts and having fun with their friends, but do they really get it? Do they stop and try to befriend the new kid? Would they "have dinner with the taxpayer?" Do they really do what Jesus would do?
As soon as we left the church, I drove to Julie's for an ear and a shoulder and a lot more tears. (Julie's baby was in the same orphanage with ours; she met our kids before we did!) Julie gets it. She understands. Although her baby is small and she's not had to deal with much of this, she still gets it. She understands. She's been there. She's often able to make me laugh and talk me off of the bell tower. What came of this discussion was the fact that so many people don't get it. So many people don't understand, misunderstand or just don't think before they speak. It brought up a lot of questions.
The question becomes: Do we look for another church? Somewhere downtown or midtown where WE would be the minority? Is it fair to the kids to be the only dark skinned kids in the church? (Or close to it... 2 of maybe 6?) Or do we make this our mission? Is it our mission to educate everyone in this white, middle class, Midwest city what it's like to be adopted from a foreign country? Is it our mission to help these kids learn how to really be like Jesus? It is our mission to help make people understand? Is that an impossible mission?
One good thing that came out of this... and perhaps that was what God's plan was all along... I knew in that moment that I was their mother. Not in an intellectual way.... I have obviously known that for quite some time. But in my heart, I knew I would do anything to protect them. When they hurt, I hurt. I think I needed to be reminded of that, and boy was I ever reminded. I felt like someone had tore out my heart as I watched my boy sit there by himself. I felt my heart pound, and I felt the mama bear come out in me. Watch out when mama bear comes out!
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